Waiting in the Emergency Room

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“Sometimes the best thing you can do is lay there motionless”
Bea Athur gave the man a look and said, “it didn’t sound right on our honeymoon and it doesn’t sound right now”
Small chuckle.

Somebody’s baby is crying in the background
Everyone sits still,
Eyes focused down.
At cuts, and bruises, and odd swollen things.
The pain is subtle now, but when the nurse asks to see it they all fear the sting.
She’s still crying out loud in the background,
Everyone is sitting still and wouldn’t dare make a sound.
It seems like that baby girl is the only with since enough to cry out.

“Summer Ahmed!”
It’s her turn to be examined and her ailments evaluated,
It doesn’t matter what the cause it brought us here.
But as we wait, we could only hope the numbness is a sign of the pain had deteriorated.

We need a doctor over here
The bleeding hasn’t stopped.
Just keep applying pressure
The bleeding hasn’t stopped.
When will I get some treatment
The bleeding hasn’t stopped.

We could be in here years long it seems.
Even though we have an emergency,
It seems like the goal is to take care of those most at risk first.

Woman in labor and almost completely dilated,
Before cuts and broken bones or even that growth that’s oddly color saturated.
A roof over your head and food on the table,
Before making sure the relationship between father and son is truly stable.

A trip to the emergency room and blood trailing on the floor,
Even the holes in the walls and the tearfully forced out truthful words hurled at man that came annually in the years before,
Hasn’t ignited a fire for change in him yet to prevent episodes like this from happening anymore.

We need a doctor over here
Because our hearts are still bleeding
We’ll just keep applying pressure
Yet our wounds are still bleeding
When will we get some treatment?
We are growing numb from all the bleeding.

“Sometimes the best thing you can do is lay there motionless”
While you wait the long years to hear your name called for some emotional and familial treatment.

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Transitions and L.O.V.E.

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I will be in my Final year at ASU this upcoming fall (YAY!) and with that comes a huge responsibility, Transition Projects! For Dance Majors at ASU’s school of dance, the final main project of the year is called the Transition Projects, which is very similar to a Capstone project in other disciplines, How the project is done is almost completely up to the individual student. Some examples that have been done in the pas have been students performing solos either created by themselves, choreographed by someone else, or in conjunction with a faculty in the. Others have choreographed group pieces, as well as going on to completely put on their own show that is separate from the main Transition Project Showing that happens in February.

I have seen 3 transition shows since first entering ASU as a dance major and the ones that have definitely stood out to me as actually “transitioning” were those that used the creation and performance of dance to address a real struggle that the performer or choreographer faced daily. Whether the topic was race, family, society, or anything in between, the fact that it is a real honest connection to the movement is what reads so powerfully with me.

Well, after  3 years of anticipation for my chance, I have decided to try and make something that addressed real struggles and issues I have in my own life, which happens to be with L.O.V.E. I will create a series of dances related to teh topic of love over the next year to build up my repertoire as a choreographer as well as showcase more of my work outside of ASU. When I say love I am referring to love in all aspects. Love in the romantic way, love for your kin, friendship love, love for an object or activity, and hate as a result of love. It sounds very broad and I want it that way because I would like for everyone in the audience who watches each piece in the series to be able to connect to it in some way that is real and honest for them. I do not want to create something that is just for me to connect to as the creator of these pieces.

So, this generally just came about from one day really deciding to address the fact that I have a very strong emotional detachment from most things and people. At times I am afraid to love because I fear the end result is pain, other times I stay detached because I feel that it is not worth being emotionally invested, and more times than not I stay detached because I am expecting the person or thing I love to vanish, leave, or withdraw before I’m ready to go. I have had a lot of experiences with someone I love abandoning feelings for me, or physically abandoning me, and after many years of suppressing my reactions to it these events I think I have become very desensitized. It’s almost like I am a piece of tape that doesn’t have much adhesive left,

With this series of pieces, I will be recreating scenarios in my life and those I have seen others go through that have helped shape my unhealthy reaction to love, relationships, and attachment. I am excited, nervous, and scared to try and reach so deeply within myself for the sake of dance and art, but all I can see is growth as a dancer, dance maker, and human so I going forth with this for sure.

I will keep updates on this as well… this will be interesting =)

New York, New York!

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New York, New York!

So I have been away from my blog for a while due to many many many issues life has thrown me in the past month. I was thrown mono, parking tickets, IRS crap, and the lack of a job. But, one great shining beacon of hope and light was my decision to move to New York next summer after I graduate with my BFA in Dance from ASU.

When I hear myself talk to other people about this, it sounds very anti-climatic because of how far away it is and kind of typical in the dance world, but on the inside I am shaking with joy and anticipation with the decision because:

1. I have never lived far from home and my immediate family
2. I have never been NY and it seems like a grand new frontier for me to explore
3. (and most importantly) the decision is symbolic for taking my dream for dancing professionally in a big city and makes it a reality. And in my mind, the phrase “I’m going to move to New York and dance!” went from sounding like a dream filled, airy notion of an idea inspired by shows like Glee, and is now a weighted reality like having a baby. Maybe, not as serious but REAL!

The trick to this reality was making a brief 21 step plan to follow for the next year. I turned it into a picture that I will print out, blow up, and hang in my room to cross out things I have finished, it’s the background on my phone, and my daily reminder of what my ultimate goal is.

Now that goal of New York is what has been pushing me through my days of despair as I fight with the crap life has been throwing me lately. it’s been rough and discouraging at times (to say the least) but, I know I will prevail =)

NEW YORK HERE I COME!

I Wish

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In response to the Daily Prompt: Unleash Your Inner Dickinson

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/daily-prompt-dickinson/

I wish that… You loved me.

I wish that you smiled when I laughed.

I wish that you needed me.

I wish that you could kiss me.

I wish that you could greet me after a long trip.

I wish that we could hold each other during a movie.

I wish that we liked the same music.

I wish that we talked all night after texting all day.

I wish that you sat next to me in one of my classes.

I wish you helped me pick put clothes for parties.

I wish you were the first thing I saw when I woke up.

I wish you loved how I said your name.

I wish you took random pictures of us and posted them on facebook.

I wish you got upset when I didn’t call you before I went to bed.

I wish you bragged about me to your friends.

I wish that you took care of me when I was sick.

I wish that we would argue every now and then about nothing.

I wish that you kept all the notes I wrote you.

I wish you still cared about my feelings after we had a huge blow out.

I wish my mom liked you.

I wish my dad hated you.

I wish your smile brightened up my day.

I wish you amazed me everyday.

I wish you told me to stop looking at you when I would stare at you while you did your homework.

I wish that you needed me.

I wish that you cried when I said something hurtful to you.

I wish that your hair smelled like strawberries.

I wish you danced better than I did.

I wish your voice was velvety smooth.

I wish that your skin would shine in the dark.

I wish that are hands would bump up against each other as we walked side by side.

I wish we debated about who should pay for the next date.

I wish that you hated that I didn’t shave every day.

I wish that my ears were the cutes things in your eyes.

I wish that there was only one song that could describe how you felt about me.

I wish you wanted to go to my dance concerts.

I wish you knew my name

I wish that you could call me up right now.

I wish that… I wish… I wish that you just existed.

Local Art/Open Mic Night

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The Talebu Coffee shop in Chandler, AZ has a great support of local artists! On Tuesday and Thursday nights they host an open mic night that also features a local band that my dad is a part of.

I came here for the first time tonight to check it out and it’s great! The coffee is awesome, the music is great, the atmosphere is really chill and supportive of artists and everyone is really friendly.  They even feature paintings and sculptures by local artists every month.

We need more places like this!